Tai and me

My daughter Taiani, who is 11 years old has given me full permission to write this.   She is, in fact, eager to become an internet sensation so she encouraged me– “Put me out to the world, Mom!”  Not sure this is gonna tip her over the edge and into You Tube stardom but we’ll see.

“I Am Awesome!”

I heard this- and witnessed it – through a crack in the door one day as I was passing by my daughter’s room.  She was about 9 years old then and was standing atop her platform bed with arms raised to the sky while she celebrated her amazing, brilliant self.  I’m not sure what sparked this exuberant declaration and I didn’t want to mess with the magic of her moment,  but it warmed the proverbial cockles of my heart to know she was on the path to owning and recognizing her value and worth.   I prided myself on what a good job I was doing as a mom and merrily skipped down the stairs.

And then, several months later it started.  And from where I don’t know.  Perhaps I scolded her too many times out of impatience, perhaps the cruelty of school kids happened and perhaps her highly empathic little self began absorbing all the yuck around her.  However it happened I don’t know but I wasn’t exactly patting myself on the back anymore when I heard the familiar sound of my own sighs come out of Taiani’s mouth as she boldly proclaimed, “I’m so stupid!”  

What?!  No!  You were just loving yourself so naturally and freely– How could this be?!

And it wasn’t just once.  I started to see a pattern of self-judgment and recrimination that disheartened and disturbed me.  And so I decided to take action and reinforce her innate awesomeness each time I caught wind of her self-directed disparaging words.

“Guess what we’re doing tonight?!”  I’d  say with a smile.  At first she was like,  “What?”  and then she was like, “Nooooo!!!!!”  because she grew to know that at bedtime I would randomly choose a number and she would then have to come up with that many positive things to describe her amazing and awesome self.  

At first she resisted and it was hard for her to mind to come up with the words.  So here and there I would give her a hint or suggestion and when I did I saw the spark of agreement in her eyes.  “I am…. curious.  I am… fun.  I am… good at writing and I have a good singing voice too!”  So although when I caught her flinging insults at herself and reminded her of the evening plan she would roll her eyes, groan and dramatically run away screaming, “Nooooooo!”  she was secretly beginning to love the ritual. 

One night I thought I would really challenge her– None of this small-time ‘5 or 10 things good about you’ stuff.  Nope.  I was going for it.  And before I knew it the number “50” shot out of my mouth!  I  started panicking inside because there was no way she could come up with 50 and then I might have to scramble too!  What if this backfired and made her believe the worst about herself?!  But one by one she knocked them out.  She even came up with a bonus round and added on 10 more amazing, awesome, incredible things about herself!

It gave her new freedom to own she was all these things no matter if the kids at school didn’t see it, no matter if the boy she liked didn’t get it, no matter if sometimes her own mind gave her poor messages.  She knew in her heart what truly was resonated were things like, “I am smart.  I am valuable.  I am lovable.”

And so some days I still hear her self-judgment and we do the drill- and she secretly loves it.   And I now know it’s making a difference because one day recently all on her own (after I declared Minecraft and computer time was WAY past being up!), she set herself to task and created this:

Tai awesome

Tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.  She is getting it!  And as she embeds these beautiful messages about herself deeper and deeper- and deflects the negative as it comes her way, I know that she is creating an incredible capacity to create a life she loves– to receive abundance in all forms, to open the doors to whatever success she desires and to love herself so much she is willing to allow others to love her too!

Release your self-judgment.  It only damages- only limits you.  It closes the doors to what you desire because when you judge that you’re not good enough, not worthy, not smart enough and not even close to being awesome then you will find ways to punish yourself.  And you will not even be aware you’re doing it.  Our subconscious is sneaky but I promise you that is what happens.  I’ve caught my own mind withholding money, love and success because I was not owning my awesomeness.  And as I have shifted my life has changed.  My money and success keep rising, my relationships keep improving and my freedom and joy keep on increasing.  It’s not perfect- and never will be.  There are dips and turns– in fact last year was a doozie!  But overall my life amazes me and it has everything to do with the new empowered truths I own about me.

So tap out the crap and tap in the real truth of you.   ‘Pod ‘n poc’, meditate, create mantras, challenge yourself to the I Am Awesome drill– do whatever it takes because loving you and acknowledging your innate worth will change your life.

There is no finish line and it’s never too late to start.  Just get yourself on the path and start taking steps.  As you dissolve the old embedded yuck and messages from the past the balance will begin to tip and soon you will find yourself raising hands high and declaring with vim and vigor,  “I Am Awesome!”  And then the Universe will have the freedom to reflect back to you how awesome you truly are!

This will give you  a head start:  Wherever you have judged yourself as not enough, unworthy, unlovable or anything less than awesome — all the implants and explants and mobius strips supporting that as your reality will you renounce, denounce, destroy and uncreate it across all time dimension, space and reality? — Just say yes and allow the energy to do it’s thing!

Big Love to You!


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