My Inner Gorilla

My Inner Gorilla

The other day I was really feeling like I didn’t wanna sit down and do my morning check-in with the Universe.  I have this morning routine where I like to get quiet and connect-in with Source and my angels but that day I was resisting like crazy! 

Each time I tried I couldn’t get focused.  Things kept floating into my head.  Like, my To Do List,  chocolate (of course), and how soon can I take a nap and not feel guilty?  All these things kept interrupting my focus and distracting me from what I wanted. 

Not surprisingly, I began to wonder why.  Why the heck wouldn’t I want to connect to the Divine?!  Really!  I mean, how cool is it that we get to talk to angels and Source?! 

Angel Wings and Halo

So I tried to tap.  And I gotta be honest.  It did not yield immediate results!  In fact, there was more distraction–Soon I found myself in the kitchen looking for something to eat (sadly, no chocolate).  And while I was fighting over my share of the organic cinnamon wheat cereal (my parrot insisted on hogging the bowl) it suddenly struck me:     When I connect with the Divine I also connect with that part of me that is uber-powerful, utterly capable and that has no limits!  

So if I allowed myself to connect to that part of me I would have most likely gone on to do some stuff that I’ve been procrastinating on.

Sounds like a good thing, right?  Get stuff done I’ve been putting off (and off and off!)? 

But here’s the thing – That stuff I haven’t been getting done is the stuff that will allow me to step up to the next level in my business.  And that’s all-kinds of scary!  It’s the unknown, the ‘who will I be‘, and ‘will I be accepted‘ kind of fears that were keeping me in self-sabotage and side-lined.  So if  getting quiet, connecting to Source and to the greater amazing part of me led to ‘un-procrastinating’ and doing the stuff that would take me to the next level why the heck would I connect?!   

Of course, my logical mind reminded me that I am totally safe especially when I’m so Connected- but my annoying subconscious wasn’t playing fair.  It doesn’t deal in logic.   It tries it’s hardest to navigate me (and you) to safety every single time

Or at least what it thinks is safety. 

One of my best friends and I were just talking about why she was compelled to justify her business choices to a colleague.  She didn’t like that she felt compelled but we figured out that this situation reminded her of those oh-so-fun days back in Catholic school and how she constantly had to explain herself to the mean, scary nuns in order not to get smacked up-side the head or worse!  She navigated through those parochial waters justifying her actions to try and stay safe.  And this new situation felt really similar- She didn’t want to get ‘in trouble’ so she naturally went to justifying herself to that colleague!  She, or her subconscious, was navigating the waters to stay safe once again.

So are we stuck then? At the mercy of our subconscious’ safety-driven GPS?  compass

Yes and no. 

It can be crazy sometimes– It’s like I’m outside my body watching me self-sabotage in real time, catching the action, play-by-frikkin-play!  I’m often totally aware but at the mercy of. 

But the awesome part is that I AM aware a lot of the time.  And that means I have choice.  

So here’s what I did:  I sat my butt down – sat my Inner Gorilla’s butt down right next to me – and had a heart-to-heart tap-talk session with him. 

(For those of you who don’t know, one of my signature talks is about our Inner Gorilla- AKA our subconscious.  Because the big purple hairy guy is the heavyweight compared to the conscious mind we gotta get him to agree to what we want in order to take action more easily.  By the way, what does a 950lb gorilla do?  Anything he wants!  Right?!  He’s the stronger one so we gotta get him to see it our way!)

So I tap-told him how grateful I am to have his protection.  I thanked him and told him how amazed I am at his power!  That he’s like my psychological superhero repelling me away from what I want and need to do- but that doesn’t seem safe. 

And then I started wonder-tapping.  I posed some questions and possibilities to my Inner Gorilla: 

“I wonder if we could be safe in a different way?  I wonder if the threat is actually real?  It feels super-real and scary but I wonder if we’re just acting out an old story where it wasn’t safe before?  And maybe that  doesn’t apply now?  I wonder if ticking off those things I’m avoiding could actually be a new way of creating safety and we’re just missing that cuz we’re triggered by all the old stuff?  So I wonder if I could ask your permisson, Inner Gorilla– Can we allow a little wiggle room to test that out?  I really think we’re safe and besides, we can always go back to the old way.  What if we just try it out and see what happens?  It’s not like we’re that little kid anymore.  We can take care of ourselves now.   And what if this new way is even safer?  Would you partner with me and test it?  That old threat isn’t the same as this even though it kinda feels like it.  It’s totally different ….”

So I tap-talked with my my purple guy for quite a while.   And guess what happened?  We joined forces.  We partnered up.  We tested the waters and it turns out they were pretty safe.  So as we go along now, hand-in-hand,  I know he’ll be giving me a little more slack on the rope (oh yes- it’s a smorgasbord of mixed metaphors today! Ha!)  and I’ll more easily be doing those things that move my biz forward, that allow me to be seen in new ways, to a wider audience and doing things that translate to me breaking more of my income records. (Yippee!)  And I’m sure that I’ll be having lots more tap-talks with my Gorilla.  After all, we’re in this together!

inner gorilla partnered



(If you’re watching yourself sabotage all over the place and want to do something about it, try some tap-talking with your Inner Gorilla and see what happens!  Or, if you want some support in doing that, contact me at heidi@tapintoabundancenow.com)

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  1. Eileen on the November 13, 2014 remarked #

    Thanks for the inspirational words Heidi!

    Perfectly timed as I was looking for my morning mojo myself!

  2. anitabeach on the November 7, 2014 remarked #

    you’re awesome! i am womyn, hear me roar!